Why HAOJ Will Blow Minds (and Why it Matters) by Jonathan Rado

"Here's Another One, Jon" is going to be the breakout hit of the summer. Kiss my ass, Daniel-Day Lewis and fuck you, Coen Brothers. There's a new sheriff in town. In fact, many sheriffs. There's a fucking police force in town--and they ain't takin' names, they're taking numbers (what?).

HAOJ (for short) will succeed for one and only one reason: The Stellar Cast. Not since "Magnolia" or at least "Colonel Bedlum" has there been a better cast.

Let's start with Micheal Callas. The genius of Micheal Callas cannot be described in words. Only in hand gestures. When I thought Sam would not be able to be in the film, I asked Michael to play the part. He stepped in with open arms and an open heart (I don't know what that means), and played the part better than Sam could have. He is the driving force behind this movie -- acting in it as well as helping out behind the scenes. Fuck yeah.

Sam France: I wrote the "Johnny Lash" part for Sam (it was then Peter Apple), and directly quoted (when I say "quoted" i mean "took credit for") conversations (Sam France rants) that we've had in the screenplay. The movie took a serious blow when we thought he couldn't be in it, but now he's back (and funnier than ever). I wrote him a better part (despite what he tells you), and he plays it fantastically, even though he's not in it a lot (he's in it for a good 4/6 of the script, despite what he tells you). The movie would suffer without him.

Sam Hertz: Wow. Sam stepped in as Maggie Marshall after we realized that using Maggie Anderson would never work (although she was also fantastic). She was originally the character of Layla, but has somehow charmed her way up to "the big league". The part of Maggie is a hard part to play, because it's not THAT funny but still has to carry the entire movie. It's a lot of pressure, and although we've only had one shoot with her, she's doing it fantastically. We originally were worried about her playing it to "theatrey", but she managed not to (which is hard to do--come from the stage to screen. I have heard this. I wouldn't know. Fuck me). She DOES carry the film, and better than anybody expected her to. A star is born. She's the next Diane Keaton (or at least the next Allie Martone).

Bryan Felber: I originally wrote a part for Bryan to make him feel bad. You see, I've never had a big role in any of his movies. I'm usually the guy he calls to fill in for Evan Lewis. My 3 lines in "Metronome" are the funniest one's -- not to mention my "I don't know, they speak French there" in Doppelganger. So, to spite him, I tried to write him a really funny part. I partly succeeded. The part of Stephen Cash isn't THAT funny, the lines are strangely written, and written really fast at that. However, at the read-through that we held, the world (all 9 of us) got a glimpse at the true genius of Bryan Felber. He managed to take a half-assed character and create it into a powerhouse of funny. It's his best role (third to Pushpaup and Kid #4 in Doppelganger). People will remember his performance forever (for maybe three weeks). However, Bryan is not just a brilliant actor, he's also the producer of the film. He's doing a wonderful job at planning shoots and whatnot. He's a breath of fresh air on the set and all around a great guy. All hail Bryan Felber.

Ron Becks: Ron Becks plays my therapist "Dr. Becks". The character was originally named "Dr. Coyne", but we changed it to Dr. Becks because he played the character so much differently than it was written (a good thing). His performance was marvelous and now he lives in Las Vegas. I had to pick him up at his apartment a couple times and he made my car smell like petchulli oil. That's all I have to say about Ron Becks.

Ariana Dewing: Ariana plays Courtney. She has about seven lines, all of which she plays better than Sidney Portier in "In The Heat of the Night" ("they call me Mrs. Dewing!"). I'm going to give her more lines because she's very good at them. My fingers are tiring. I will do a few more.

Ashley Strumwasser: She plays the character Layla. We haven't filmed anything with her yet, but she was great at the read through. I look forward to the shoots.

Cathrine Combes: Plays Allison Costello. She's on the Oak Park Comedy Sportz team. I've never even met her, but I already know that she'll be great in this sarcastic, Radoesque role.

Chris Recuptio: I've met him once. He came to the Auditions and read for Mooky. He got the part on the spot. We haven't filmed with him yet.

Allison Martone: She isn't in the film yet. But needs to be. She's the most talented person in the Agoura High drama program, and deserves a good part in this film. She's blown me away in every role that she's ever played, and I would be honored to have her in this movie. I've just got to write her a part -- that's the hard part.

Austin Kearns: Austin doesn't have a role in the film, but he's the director (as you all know). Austin is doing a great job directing, and i truly, honestly, have the utmost faith in him when nobody else does. Austin makes movies about Bicycle fights and Frisbees. He's sure as hell never made a romantic comedy. Hell, I'd be surprised if he's even seen a romantic comedy. But therin lies the genius. He's come into it with no preconceived notions. He's making something fresh out of my re-hashed script, and I really enjoy it. Even if he is a pain in the ass.

Jonathan Rado: Not really that good in the movie. I didn't write myself any funny lines, either. I just tell a bunch of annoying stories and fragment my sentences with "um" and "uh". Everybody else carries the film. Snaps for ensembles!